waking up at the start of the end of the world, but it's feeling just like everything other morning before

I should be sleeping.
Well no. I should be studying. But.. No.
I’ve spent my whole weekend with Nikki. It’s been really fun. I’ve spent waaaayy too much money. My dad will be pissed. But whatever.
Nikki and I are going to church tomorrow at like.. 10am, hence why I should be sleeping.
I have six exams not next week, but the week after… hence why I should be studying.
I’ll hopefully study tomorrow. After Nikki and I go to church, visit Andrea, play Sorry, again and do laundry. We’ll see.
I’m just really second guessing myself right now. Like.. I don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore. And it makes me frustrated because I cant seem to even type/say how I feel without feeling really, really, REALLY stupid afterwards. So I guess.. Well, I’ll try to sleep. And if not, I’ll come back and spill my little guts.
But honestly, I don’t see anything wrong with myself. Well, I do.. But not things that can’t be fixed.
So why must the rest of the world see something wrong with me? It’s like that’s what everyone has to do. “Omg, I’m feeling really bad about myself. The world is going to hell! Lets take it out on Stacey!”
I know it sounds like I’m depressed, but I’m not really. I’m happy about most of the stuff in my life. But it’s just.. I don’t feel like I have anyone that I’ll have forever. And I feel like everyone is just using me either for company so they aren’t ever alone. Really, if you think about it, we, the world are all using each other.
And that.. Is well, depressing.
Even though, I swear, I’m not depressed.
Well screw it, when arent I?

And yeah.. this will def be an entry that I'll read back and regret but w/e. Time for sleep. Maybe.