caught in a craze, it's just a phase... or will this be around forever?

I’ve gotten a lot of wrong number/spam calls lately. At least I get calls from SOMEONE?
Even though I don’t see who would want the numbers 369 in their phone number. If my younger brother wasn’t more life experienced than I was when I picked my number, I would have realized what it meant and yelled at him for suggesting it. I’m obviously the innocent one out of the two.
I’m at the school, again. Go back 24 hours from now and I would have been at the school, in the same building and with the same people that I’m with now. ‘Cept a room over and on the opposite side of the table. And I really don’t know why I’m even here, when it’s not even my project or group. I figured because I woke up really early today for church, if I was at home I would nap. I really wish I wasn’t so passive and “I dunno” all the time.
Maybe I would actually have more than $1,600 in my bank account now if that was the case. Ugh shit. I haven’t told my dad yet because somehow 2 weeks ago I had $2,300. I have no idea how I spent that much in 2 weeks. Nor do I really wanna know.
I also really want to do that thing where you take a picture a day to describe your day and then write an entry about it. If I can find my memory card tonight, I want to start tomorrow because it’s the start of December and that way it’s less confusing.
Oh and on another completely random note, I hate when people are like ‘OH WANNA FIGHT?” Mainly because a guy in Nikki’s group just said it to me because I dissed his drawing, which really was good. Even though.. I guess I was the one in this case that told him to meet me at the flag pole. So um.. never mind. That still is really annoying though.
K well. This is like eye bleeding pointless, so I should try to work on something now before Nikki kills me for playing the Spice Girls. But first, I have to find a song to name this entry after.. So that will take a couple hours.. Or so I hope.

waking up at the start of the end of the world, but it's feeling just like everything other morning before

I should be sleeping.
Well no. I should be studying. But.. No.
I’ve spent my whole weekend with Nikki. It’s been really fun. I’ve spent waaaayy too much money. My dad will be pissed. But whatever.
Nikki and I are going to church tomorrow at like.. 10am, hence why I should be sleeping.
I have six exams not next week, but the week after… hence why I should be studying.
I’ll hopefully study tomorrow. After Nikki and I go to church, visit Andrea, play Sorry, again and do laundry. We’ll see.
I’m just really second guessing myself right now. Like.. I don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore. And it makes me frustrated because I cant seem to even type/say how I feel without feeling really, really, REALLY stupid afterwards. So I guess.. Well, I’ll try to sleep. And if not, I’ll come back and spill my little guts.
But honestly, I don’t see anything wrong with myself. Well, I do.. But not things that can’t be fixed.
So why must the rest of the world see something wrong with me? It’s like that’s what everyone has to do. “Omg, I’m feeling really bad about myself. The world is going to hell! Lets take it out on Stacey!”
I know it sounds like I’m depressed, but I’m not really. I’m happy about most of the stuff in my life. But it’s just.. I don’t feel like I have anyone that I’ll have forever. And I feel like everyone is just using me either for company so they aren’t ever alone. Really, if you think about it, we, the world are all using each other.
And that.. Is well, depressing.
Even though, I swear, I’m not depressed.
Well screw it, when arent I?

And yeah.. this will def be an entry that I'll read back and regret but w/e. Time for sleep. Maybe.

you always dress in yellow, when you wanna dress in gold

Next semester (speaking if I pass this semester, of course) we are switching groups. Right now, there are two groups of 50 of first year DSW students. So next semester I’ll be with some of the same people from group 2 (the one Im in atm) but also some of the people that are in group one this semester. When we were told this, some of the other classmates weren’t happy because a lot of them have built strong friendships and bonds already with each other. I on the other hand, have not.

The only friend that I’ve made at school is Caitlin and she is in the accounting program and I only know her from my children’s lit class. Sure, there’s people in my class that I talk to and work with, but not really anyone that I want to hang out with outside of class. It’s funny because I think a lot of them pity me. They feel bad because I don’t seem to have any friends and I’m as antisocial as hell. I just came to the conclusion that I suck at making new friends. I’ve had the same friends since grade 3 (Cept Martine, Andrea, Nikki and Steph who came in grade 5) and I’m fine with having just that group of friends. So I find it really uncomfortable and weird when people from my program ask me to sit beside them or come and get drunk with them on the weekend, because I seriously think they just feel bad for me, when they don’t have to. Eh. Maybe I’m just really paranoid? But I haven’t showed my real personality at like ALL to any of these people, so I don’t see why they would even want to be my friend.

So yeah, when we were told that we were switching groups, I was happy. Maybe there’s someone in the other group that I can be friends with. But when I told my mom this, she was like “Everyone is going to stay loyal to their first group that they started with, or will be separated from their friends and won’t give a shit about anyone else. Just like on survivor.”
I honestly haven’t been more proud of my mother ever in my life. It was pretty much the best comparison ever. And even though she is most likely right, there has to be someone I can relate to. I really frustrate myself a lot. Being as shy as I am is not cool nor fun, cept I can’t break out of my shell.

And you know how everyone says that you meet your life long friends in college and your soul mate?

Yeah, they are on crack.

I guess we’ll just see what happens.

Oh and a couple weeks ago in my community in a developmental society class we had an Abuse exam that we had to get at least 70% on. If we didn’t get 70% on this exam, then we would fail the course and not even get the chance to write the final exam. And um, I got 70% ON THE NOSE. Yeah, I’m pretty lucky. Even though there has to be some kind of loop hole. I don’t understand how I can get right on 70%. I also can’t understand why this course is so hard. The average on the last exam was like 42% and then this exam was like 63%. The whole course is on the history of people with disabilities and their rights and ethics. It really shouldn’t be hard material, cept it is.

I really have to start studying for my finals. I can’t fail. I can’t take the 3 hour exam that you have to if you fail. I just can’t.

look into your heart and you'll find love love love love

soo lets see here...

Almost done my first semester of college.

Honestly, bitter sweet feelings. Im scared as HELL that I'll fail something.
You can fail up to two subjects, and then take the 3 hr exam in order to hopefully bring up your mark. But I dont want to fail. AT ALL. Im rly worried. So worried.

But if i pass, I'm going to go to see the ball drop in New York for New Years!!!! Bitter sweet feelings about that too.

Cept I have learned a lot. I learned that I hate my room mate, hate 8 AM classes, hate lack of food and sleep. But also learned how to wash a penis and foreskin. I learned a lot in adnormal pysch. I've also learned that no matter if someone asks you how you like college, you say you love it.

Last week has been busy. Not even school related. I did like nothing school related. I've just reached the happy medium with doing stuff and still doing homework. It's pretty sweeet.


I've been doing good lately, but im pissed at snow. Seriously? snow. I told my dad today that I'm moving as soon as I can. He was not pleased. I was like whatever.

It took Nikki and I 3 hours to get home today from London because of the snow. I don't want to live the rest of my life like this. Who would? it's late.

ugh. It sucks so bad.

anyway, pointless update, im aware. I just felt like typing a little.