it's a marshmallow world in the winter

Christmas is honestly the most depressing holiday ever. Since the first of December Christmas music has been blasting 24/7 and everyone has been really excited. But for what? One day that is just another day. And then when the day is over you go home and spend the next week taking down all of your lights and decorations which is followed by dragging your dead Christmas tree out in the snow bank for the garbage man to come pick up. Not to mention how you have to spend the next two months losing all of the weight that you put on that day in a matter of a couple hours just from over eating. Don’t get me wrong though, I love Christmas. I love spending the day with my family and playing cards and drinking and eating and watching Star Trek marathons just like anyone else. But every year after it’s all over I feel depressed. Christmas is an amazing time but then you realize you have to wait another year for it. And it just gets depressing.

Which is really quite ironic isn’t it? Christmas is suppose to be to celebrate the fact that Jesus has been born. If we were following the Bible, Easter would be the time that we are suppose to be depressed and feeling this way. But it really never is. Easter is a lot more stress free and relaxing then Christmas, not to mention it doesn’t come with all of this aftermath guilt and clean up. I don’t know, it just confuses me. Like I know that everyone is trying really hard not to forget the Christmas sprit or whatever., but is it working? I guess it kind of is. Christmas is one of the times that the Church is the fullest and even the weeks leading up to it with Advent. But then again, I didn’t think of Jesus once today… I thought of my presents, boxing day shopping tomorrow and how tired I was at my Aunt‘s house. I didn’t even take part in the dinner grace today because my brother was talking and I was too busy laughing at him.

And I know that it just isn’t a one day thing to be thankful of Jesus and stuff, but it just feels weird since he IS the reason for Christmas. I suppose though that I really don’t have to feel bad about this because I know the real meaning of Christmas and that it really isn’t all about Santa and all that jazz. I totally feel like some lame Christmas special right now, but it makes more sense now that I think about it. It’s a holiday and as long as I keep in mind the real reason behind it, everyone has their own traditions. Who cares if mine involves presents, card games and klingon’s?

pathetic.

just pathetic.

and when the sky is falling, don't look outside the window.

SO I didn't fail!!! Really, that is all I can say right now. Except the fact that even though I enjoyed not failing for like maybe an hour, it then hit me that I need a job but I haven't applied anywhere. I don't really know WHY my mom wouldn't let me apply before I heard. Even though a D+ in Health Promo is cutting it close. Hahahahaha I can't believe I got a D+. Dude, that's sick.

I could work at Macs again, but last time I was there apparently the word on the street is "STACEY DOESN'T WANT TO WORK AT MACS EVER AGAIN!" And the reason why I capped that was because the girl yelled it at me so loud and clear that I could almost see the explanation mark explode in my face when she was talking. I was kinda like "wtf, i never said that' but I guess my amazing parents spoke for me. Which makes me kinda pissed because um, i need them as a reference. I did NOT get a pizza party or a $100 bonus cheque when I went off to school, so if I can't even get a fricking good reference out of the experience of hell, then that's bogus.

I'm kinda pissed right now though because the UPS guy woke me up to deliver Tyler's computer thing. How am I suppose to be a bum and sleep all day if people actually come to the door?

But yeah, my brother is building a computer. Not to mention, he's spending like over $2,000 to build this computer. What the hell is the point? There's already people who build computers for us. So he should just drop out of school and get a job at Acer with all the other high school drop outs and build computers with a blind fold on his head. Ouch, harsh words Stacey. It's k, anyway, I think last time I talked to Tyler about what he wanted to do when he grows up, he said he wanted to work at a Coca Cola factory? Well knowing him, he wants to own it. So it's not like I'm crashing his dreams. Hahaha, I'm sooo going to be the mother that doesn't even let my kids play with play dough.

I don't even know why I'm stressed anymore. I totally felt like my parents last night. I couldn't sleep so I was doing the math of my rent in my head and then freaking out when it was a lot. Wait, back up and read that last sentence again. I can't believe I did math in my head hahaha.

Ehhh whatever. That is what the game monopoly is for. It's suppose to make you free rich and care free. But the thing about monopoly is, no one ever wants to play with you. So you never get to be rich even in fantasy or reality. And that my friends is what leads to bankruptcy and depression. And with that, I can't believe I basically just solved the problem of the economy- More people have to play monopoly.

Yeah, that was kinda a low joke because I know that it's struggling. Blah blah blah. Now pardon me as I go and solve world hunger?

truth be told i miss you, truth be told i'm lying.

dudeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

I'm offically done my first semester of college!!!

now we just wait until the phone call(that hopefully wont ever come).

btw, i would like to thank the all american rejects for helping me study and stay focused.

take a glorious bite out of the whole world

Apparently last night my dad was drunk and called my gold fish a dog. Or so that’s what Tyler said on face book. I know that’s an odd thing to start off with but seriously it makes me giggle. My dad is honestly the most annoying drunk to be around though. Anyway… awkwarddddd.

It’s funny how tired I am from my exams. A whole week of exams is hell. And the only reason why this is funny is because I really haven’t studied or done anything this week that should make me tired(lmfao at the second part). But today at my second exam I totally felt it and just wanted to crawl into bed and sleep all winter. I remember when I wanted to be a bear, well that was just last year… anyway… awkward X 2.

I lost my advocacy text book and I had my exam for that class today. I think I did okay on that exam seeing that I studied for 2 hours right before it. I seriously don’t think I’m going to pass any course just because of the lack of studying and effort I have been putting in my finales. And honestly, I don’t see why God would pass me. I know that sounds really.. Weird, but I feel like I don’t deserve a passing grade. I keep telling myself if I can pass this semester, I’m going to work twice as hard next semester.. But will I really? I’m not sure, I lie to myself all the time so I never believe anything anymore. EVEN THOUGH, tomorrow is my last exam!! Then I’m sleeping in for a month. Well, I should work too but my mom refuses to take my resume to her work until I officially pass everything. That really shows how much faith she has, eh?

WHICH my school is going to call this up coming Tuesday anywhere from 11-2 to say if we failed a class or whatever. The whole day I’m going to be scared as hell to pick up the phone. I know I’ll cry right on the phone with them while we are making rearrangements for me to take the exam again. Even though I don’t see why I would cry if I’m expecting it?

Ugh I feel drunk like my dad. Or maybe I should be drunk. Orrrr not. K watching john and kate plus 8 then studying for 2nd pysch exam tomorrow weee.

'cause perfect didnt feel so perfect, trying to fit a square into a circle was my life.

I'm not sure why I cant ever focus even when it's a do or die situation like this is. I have my Health Promo exam in like an hour and a half... or something like that. 2 hours? Im not exactly sure.. I refuse to do the math because it'll make me anxious. So I figured if I write in my journal I'll be able to study.

I'm really pissed though because my cell phone is broken. My dad yelled at me in the store in front of the people and was like 'I knew you werent fucking old enough for a cellphone. Why do you fucking break everything?'

The rest of the night he yelled at me because my pants were rubbing against the ground and were making an annoying sound and then he yelled because I lost my wallet for 0.5 seconds. But whatever. My phone is gonna take 6-8 weeks to get back. My parents want me to call them at the pay phone.. I refuse to go out in the cold... which is probably for the best anyway because they would just want to know about my exams.

My exam this morning, personal directed planning, makes me laugh when i think about it. I've done really well all year in that course, because it's like one of those courses that are made for bull shitters. And lucky for me, I'm an amazing bull shitter. I got perfect on everything in that course so far.. so when it came to study for the exam, and I couldnt find the notes we were suppose to study.. I didnt worry about it. Even though, I woke up last night at 4am freaking out but then fell back asleep. So today at the exam, it really sounded like no one was prepared for it, so i didnt feel as bad. But then on the exam when it asked for direct quotes from the text book.. yeah I made it up. I wouldnt be suprised if half of the stuff I quoted from the text book wasnt even in it, since ive never read that book before. It makes me laugh really.

Which brings me to the point that I should study for health promo. I havent studied for any courses yet and I have 5 more exams this week. I just cant study too far ahead because it seems like it makes me more stressed and then I freak out. But hahah as I said stress, the lady on the radio said it too. Yay for signs! Oh and Yay for alarm clocks actually working!!