My mom frustrates me so much that sometimes it feels like I’m a guy and shes a girl and I have no idea how the girl mind works. And even if that sounds really creepy and insect, whatever. She came today to take me shopping (which was HER idea btw) and then we were talking about how I should write my resume to her work for the summer. So we came to my house and wrote my resume and she took it and went home. When she got home she called me and said that I made her upset because I gave her my resume. I was like ‘wtf’ when it was her idea. She said that she doesn’t want me working there because it’ll be too much of a hassle. And whenever we get in a fight, I’m basically not allowed to talk back because I’ll ‘upset’ her. So I just sat there and took everything she said and then quietly said bye and hung up like always. Then I cry and she calls me back to say sorry but always starts to yell at me more.

K I admit I did say to her that I feel like I need experience because I feel like my teachers don’t know why im even in the program. I feel like all my teachers see me as not that smart because I bomb a lot of my exams and I’m SUPER shy in class. So I feel like all the experience I can get, the more I can woah them on placement. And then my mom went on about how I doubt myself and it’s my fault that I struggle.

Honestly, I feel kinda low for even writing this, Im not trying to diss my mom but I don’t know anymore. Im starting to think that this isn’t the field for me.. I don’t know what is, but this probably isn’t. And I also piss myself off a lot because I am lazy and cant focus. And I really, really, really need to get over my shyness. I’m also sad that I lost all of my wittiness and just seem to be in a stupid fucking rut.